Finding the God within Myself: Growing Up without Religion

How did I get here? I ask myself that all the time.

I would say about 90% of my friends that I grew up with were confirmed and received their first communion. And then there was me, never baptized and hadn't really ever stepped foot in a church.

I was completely jealous of all my friends when their first communion came around, they were all having parties and receiving money. I had no idea what getting confirmed or what communion entailed but I said "Mom, I want to get confirmed, I want to have a first communion."

She replied, "Oh honey you have to take religious classes on Sunday's if you want to have a first communion." That confused me. My friends took religious classes on Sunday's? Why didn't I? I truly had never realized how "religious" my friends/friends parents were.

Fast forward to high school, there is one defining moment for me. One day my friends and I were all at lunch and as a joke before we started eating they started reciting the "Our Father" prayer. I was the only one who couldn't recite it with them. Why that sticks out to me I'm still not sure, but it makes me think/laugh to this day.

I did not grow up religious whatsoever. The only experiences I had with church and religion were either going to church with my father occasionally as he went to a Catholic school and was raised Catholic, or attending church with my other friends or family members.

Religion was never something that was forced onto me and for that I am thankful because I was able to create my own path in finding God without any external influences. Religion and spirituality were things I had to navigate and figure out on my own. I really didn't know where it fit into my life but I was always drawn to it and the idea of God.

Fast forward to college I had started taking a handful of philosophy classes and fell in love. Much of philosophy debates whether or not a God exists however, I've found without a doubt that all of philosophy points to the existence of a higher power or God that exists within all of us.

At this same time I had picked up a book called "Lifting the Veil of Duality" and that's when all the pieces started coming together. This was the first time I had been exposed to the word duality in relation to life and consciousness.

Duality is the philosophy of life or the "science of the universe"

It represents the two facets of our self, the two wolves to be fed, Plato's allegory of the chariot, construction and destruction. Both parts necessary.

Every decision we make is a choice in duality, big or small.

And every decision we make has everlasting effects that are equal and opposite or the Law of Karma.

I'm sure we've all heard, "What goes around comes around" and what that means is that "every action has an equal and opposite reaction"

Karma is physics. The scientific law of the universe than can be applied to the mind and consciousness. Our choices and decisions (our choices in duality) operate as the Universal Law of Karma and every action we take has an equal and opposite reaction.

Now how does this relate to God?

Earnest Holmes is the one who helped me understand this and we have to start with our thoughts. Our life is a physical manifestation of our thoughts. It is from our thoughts where we decide to act and make choices and our choices are always going to reflect our thoughts. Therefore we can make decisions based in fear or based in trusting ourselves.

Then I stumbled upon a book called "The Man Who Talks With Flowers" and it changed my life. Dr. Carver changed my life.

Dr. Carver considered himself a vessel of God, that at any moment he could speak with God and that God would work through him if he just let him.

If God is able to work through us, that means God is contained within every single one of us, and this aligns with all the other information I had been studying and gathering thus far. God is always with us, never separate and always is trying to guide us.

You either believe God is in you and can work through you or you don't but no matter what the Universal Law of Karma is always working through you regardless of if you decide to use to consciously or not.

You can be unconscious of this power or you can consciously use this power to create or destroy. I know that if I'm consciously making authentic decisions that reflect my innermost values and desires then God can easily work through me and work behind closed doors. There is no fear, only knowing. Every decision is made in faith.

For the last 2 years I've been practicing and using this law and it is something that cannot be described, only felt. The only physical proof I need of God is myself and the power contained within me and our body's ability to carry out our inner most thoughts and turn them into actions.

This newfound relationship with God that I've been nurturing within myself has been nothing like anything I've ever experienced. I've always listened to my intuition and gone with my gut instincts but I had never spoken with God. It was when I was at my lowest point and didn't know where else to turn I felt my first tiny nudge from God.

What I heard was, have created this life that you are currently living and every decision you have made has brought you here. Knowing this and knowing that you can change your life one decision at a time is all the power you need. You only ever need to look within yourself to find the answers you seek. I'll be with you every step of the way, ask me for anything if you need it. I have always been with but now you believe it without a doubt and trust that I can work through you.

Change your thoughts to change your life.

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